I do not mean to offend people of the nationalities used in this piece... I
am just being an idiot. And DW, I'm taking the piss out of myself - I am a proud
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross"
since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized
from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to
"Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and
"Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white
flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
It's not only the
French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from
"Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and
Sing Marching Songs.." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited
to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so
the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.
New Zealand has
also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". New Zealand only has
one more level of escalation, which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us".
In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive
position called "Bondi".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from
"No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain,
"Crikey! ", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The
barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use of the
final escalation level