I fear that if I were to write about myself in complete and indisputable honesty, that whoever were to stumble upon it would panic and run away in a horrified frenzy, perhaps even accidently tripping and killing themself in their blind attempt to escape from the horrible reality that is me.
Or mayhap I exaggerate.
One might describe me as spectacularly mad; indeed, this was the general consensus of the overall population of Nelson when I marched through their lovely city dressed in a yellow suit, knee-high socks and a lovely straw hat.
They clearly have no appreciation of style, however. In fact, as I sit in front of my computer at this very instant, azure blue eyes becoming somewhat bloodshot as I focus my hungry gaze on the screen, I happen to be wearing flourescant pink leggings and neon green shorts.
On my head, for no reason in particular besides boredom, I am wearing a lovely pair of purple pants. They go well with my hair.
My hair once had a lovely golden blonde hue; now, however, it is somewhat difficult to describe its colouring. Let us just say, for now, that it is multi-coloured.
Personalitywise, I'm sure you'll find me to be a generous individual who is kind to everyone; especially, of course, teachers, particularly if the teachers are of the French variety. To be even more specific, I adore all teachers from Winnipeg, Manitoba.
I love participating in extra-curricular activities; my favourites include:
Tutu Snorkling; this is a sport played while wearing a tutu (and nothing else). It is generally played in a baseball diamond.
Penguin Lessons; this class is all about learning how to become one with your inner polar bear. It includes instruction on how to make your very own wig out of blades of grass, how to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and, of course, the digestive system of a microwave.
Of course, I could never be satisfied with such a trite and plebeian life. I aspire to one day become a famous chinchilla, and devote my life to a tree. This is, of course, on the condition that I never have to communicate with the tree vocally; I trust that texting it will be adequate.
Currently, I am living in a beautiful land, full of lush plantlife and ferocious wild beasts, called Lala-Sparkle-Fairy-Land with my ex-boyfriend Max Media.
Max Media is a cartoon character in a popular french comic book.
His brother is Monsieur Noodles.
Monsieur Noodles is a tall, handsome man, with uneven sideburns. One sideburn is long and thin, the other short and bushy. His ears are pierced, and yet, he refrains from wearing earrings. He embroiders his initials onto his clothing.
I have one sister, who, by unspoken consensus, no one refers to by name; instead, we merely call her "Kidney Stone Girl." My father is a manatee and my mother is a goose; they both come from the planet Gallifrey. I am happy to say that so far, I have lived a fairly normal life, in comparison to the lives of many other adolescents.